The problem with most steampunk is how it’s laboriously constructed, rather fragile, doesn’t actually do anything and the makers get really annoyed when you blow it up.  But Default Games are far better than other nerds, building an entire Unreal Tournament world with the express intention of blowing boilers to pieces.

Steam Racers is a free mod which teleports the whole world of UT3 to Opposite Land.  Unreal characters are the manliest looking characters in gaming, even the women.  Especially the women, who can most kindly be described as “lumpy men” and least kindly as “mobile shiny beef piles”.

The face of Unreal femininity and/or the horrors of hormone therapy.

They’re ancestors of the Gears of War characters, who look half-gorilla as it is, except UT3 characters think even cover is for pansies.

You mean you hid behind things? So where’s your frilly little dress, fruitcake?

But the world of Steam Racers is simply spiffing.  Well-dressed gents battling it out in a sportsmanlike - if still extremely explosive - manner with the idea that the best man may win.  Where “best” is conveniently defined as “He who beats his rivals to the finish line, or into exploded pieces, taste permitting.”

This may be the best death screen ever

The designers understand the true joy of nerve-wracking racing, where everyone should be able to blow up your vehicle - especially you!  The core mechanic is boiler temperature, with unlimited weaponry and boosters constantly heating your engine towards explosion.  Temperature can be dropped by slacking off or aiming for one a cooling tower, creating exciting all-or-nothing charges at the enemy with accurate steering the difference sweet victory and ignominious, if still pretty sweet, steam explosion.

(Fans of blowing yourself to pieces to go faster should also check out D.I.P.R.I.P., a Mad Max-style HL2 mod with even more weapons but a regrettable absence of heated-water-power.)

I appear to be on fire!  My options are now “Hit that cooling waterfall” or “Explode.”

You have to emerge on foot to pick up mines, take charge of emplaced turrets, repair your vehicle with the Impact Hammer or just find a new (non-detonated) steam engine.

Wood-effect paneling, comfy seat, gramophone music, and twin machine guns.  Comfort!

Four modes emphasize the different styles of play, with the usual “Anything goes”, “Racing” and “Combat”, but the most interesting is “Baron Of The Tank” - a Terminator-style mode where there’s one fully upgraded Scotch Boiler (the Steam Racing equivalent of “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough) and all the other players must take it down with unarmed vehicles, hand weapons, and as stiff upper lip.

The Monowheel - you either want to drive one of these or don’t get it

The mod is free to download and can easily be applied to any UT3 server.  Alas, there are very few public servers, but it’s a perfect alternative for any established Unreal Tournament clan who want to lighten things up for a session.

Pip pip!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 20th, 2010 at 10:24 pm and is filed under Unreal Tournament 3 News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.