Exhausted, seven fellow geeks and I sit around a dimly lit coffee table at three in the morning. The others munch on chips and gurgle Dr. Pepper like there’s about to be a shortage at the bottling plant.

We’re taking a break before diving back into the game. Someone finishes a drink, stands, stretches and says “You’re all going down.” Collectively, we groan. The rule is that once a challenge is issued, the game must begin again – no matter what. We split into different rooms and, stepping carefully over crisscrossing Ethernet cables and router hubs, we begin another round of Halo’s spectacular multiplayer on our Halo Server.

What? You were expecting 20-sided dice?

Halo: Combat Evolved, the original that was to spawn a phenomenon and a franchise that dropped cash like a Grand Theft Auto hooker, was a video game pioneer. Halo changed the way that first person shooters were made and set a new bar for multiplayer combat through Halo servers. In a genre peppered with little else but Counter-Strike and clones thereof, years later, Halo continues to be a popular alternative to newer multiplayer FPS games.

It is with a bout of nostalgia, then, that we take a look at one of the most irritatingly effective enemies ever produced for an FPS title: The Flood. We pose a simple question: which is a more dastardly enemy – the Flood or Venereal Disease? Both are gross and funny when they happen to your ex, sure, but which is more terrifying?

Flood vs. VD: Grotesque Appearance

To begin, both the Flood and venereal diseases cause disgusting growths and deformations in the infected tissues. To illustrate, here is a picture of a UNSC soldier after complete infection by the Flood:

And, just below this, a picture of a disease-ridden appendage has been (thoughtfully) replaced with a silly kitten.

You’re welcome for that.

Most Hideous: VD

Flood vs. VD: Dogged Persistence

This one is a little easier to call. Some VD can never be cured, or cured only after years of painful treatment. Other types of VD can be erased with a simple shot or an antibiotic regimen (or so I hear), making VD contraction a mixed bag as far as persistence goes.

The flood, however, never stop coming. They swarm together so that - once you’ve fired every bullet you’ve ever owned - you get to start using your pistol like a hammer to finish off the leftovers. The Flood have been known to come back to life just for the pleasure of stabbing you in the back.

To illustrate, here’s a video of a headless, armless Flood following a player around. That’s right – this Flood can no longer fight, bite, or infect Master Chief, so its fall-back position is just to follow him around like a lost puppy. A lost, hideous, stinking puppy.

Tell you what, the next time we have to nuke Los Angeles to get rid of Herpes, we’ll call this one a draw.

Most Persistent: Flood

Flood vs. VD: Sneakiness

The ability to transmit itself relatively undetected is a great asset to an communicable disease. Crippling its victims and turning them into bed-ridden germ factories is exactly how the Black Death managed to approach a filthy, hygiene-challenged populace and only managed to kill 30% of them. You want a

sneaky virus? This is not a sneaky virus:

Massive, spore-spreading explosions? Very subtle.
Most Sneaky: VD

Flood vs. VD: Effects on Health

The worst of all VD will result in certain death after sucking the life out of you over a period of several years. For the flood, the above prognosis is often replicated from beginning to end on Tuesday before lunch. Also, there is no such thing as a “minor” bout of the flood.

Most Detrimental: Flood

It is a close call at two points each, but the final verdict must go to the Flood. The horrors of either infection are numerous. With the Flood, however, all the really crappy stuff is no less horrible just because it happens to you after you’re already dead. But for that small act of mercy, the Flood deserves a sincere thank you. Congratulations, Flood.

But seriously, no hugs. We don’t know where you’ve been.

The Unreal Tournament franchise has long been connected with fast paced, imaginative, action packed game play, and the third installment is certainly no exception to the rule. Few things can be more satisfying, and fun, then using the Redeemers secondary fire to chase down your nemesis with a nuclear rocket and watching him get blown to oblivion.

Arguably, one of the more popular maps on Unreal Tournament 3 servers is the CTF (capture the flag) map, Suspense. The map itself is essentially a large suspension bridge, with small bases at each end. People can go on, over, or below the bridge to reach the opposing team’s flag, and then run like a bat out of hell to get back to their base.

In vehicle capture the flag many players seem to find themselves drawn to the Goliath tank. And why is this? Well, it’s a huge tank, with a huge gun. What more can you ask for? However, on Suspense most people will simply try to power the Goliath down the bridge and get destroyed by an incoming AVRiL (anti-vehicle rocket launcher). If you find yourself drawn to the Goliath your best bet might be to sit back at the end of the bridge and try to blast any enemies who step on it to dust. You’ll still have to roll back and forth to avoid AVRiL rockets, but at least you won’t be storming head on into them.

The tops of the bridge make great spots for the skilled sniper, and also give you access to two different UDamage power ups. The only real way up to the top is to walk up the narrow cables, or fly a raptor up there. One of the reasons why this spot is so powerful is because if someone wants to come up and take you down, they’ll have to traverse the narrow cables to reach

you. This will leave them helpless to dodge your sniper fire.

And everyone’s favorite personal nuclear weapon makes an appearance in Suspense, the Redeemer. It spawns under the bridge and upon spawning the manhole covers on the bridge will open to allow easy access to the weapon. The rocket launcher is also an extremely powerful weapon on Suspense, especially due to the popularity of vehicles. Using multiple rockets and the lock-on feature is a basic, but devastating strategy.

As with many CTF maps speed can be your greatest ally. Make good use of the hoverboard and remember that crouching on it while grappling a vehicle will help to steady you as you avoid incoming fire. Grabbing the armor before making a flag run can also greatly increase your survivability on the field.

And lastly, good luck out there. Especially if you venture onto a UT3 server playing Suspense and with me on it. Oh and remember, doing tricks on your hoverboard won’t make you a pro, but at least you can die with style.

When it was released in 2003, the original Call of Duty won for itself a slew of awards, fans, and critical praise. The staying power of the visceral game play and seamless blending of triggered cut scenes brought cash and recognition to rookie development studio Infinity Ward. Seizing their star power, Infinity Ward went on to create three sequels to the series. The most recent addition, Call of Duty 4, plays on over 18,000 game servers as one of the most popular online shooters today.
But what of the little game that could, the one that started it all? In a turn that shouldn’t surprise anyone reading this site, it was the multiplayer game, and not the much-vaunted single player story, that gave the game a life beyond release. Almost five years later, Call of Duty is still being played online on almost 300 COD servers by players from all over the world. Just today, in fact, I shot a Nazi who then cursed at me in German in the chat box. I’m assuming he was cursing, of course, because, again, he was speaking German.

So why do so many gamers choose to wax nostalgic and play software 4 generations removed from the current product?

The primary reason has simply got to be nostalgia. Playing a game from years ago reminds you of what you were doing back then, the friends you played with and the spectacular headshots and last stands you witnessed.

We all have those games. Age of Empires 2: Age of Kings is one of mine. A friend and I used to play on a direct connection against computer rivals on random maps. This, of course, was back when my computer would pick up the phone and call his computer, and we’d tie up both phone lines for however long it took the French to realize that they didn’t stand a chance.

What’s that you say? Oh, yes, it does smell like the golden days in here.
Call of Duty as a series is still a force in the online world, with CoD2 and the original outperforming newer games like Doom 3 and F.E.A.R.

(Call of Duty 4 and Counter-Strike are not on this graph because they make all the other games feel inadequate)

It isn’t exactly news that older, better multiplayer games can stick around longer than newer games that lack the same magic – the most popular online shooter, after all, is the decade-old Counter-Strike with 42,000 operating servers. All the same, however, it is certainly telling that a single franchise can dominate much of today’s online play the way the Call of Duty series does. If you’re new to the series or just haven’t blown the dust off of the original jewel case in a few years, do yourself a favor: go back to the beginnings. You’ll be glad you did.

People have praised Call of Duty 4 for being one of the finest multiplayer experiences ever made, for being set somewhere other than World War II, and for its incredible realism. But that verisimilitude isn’t limited to how prettily your video card renders a desert-camo MP5 - here are five ways Call of Duty 4 servers emulate a real battlefield:

1. The FNG is dead meat

Your first CoD4 multiplayer game will be a short, brutal experience. You will die, and you will die immediately, and you die not knowing why. The reason, of course, is that you are a #@$ing new guy dropped into an expert killing field (especially since the CoD4 server browser sadistically defaults to Free-For-All when first launched). Imagine a ballet dancer in a bright orange tutu dropped into jungle with ten Predators. Not “tooth and claw” predators, I mean “Can turn invisible and attack Arnold Schwarzenegger ” Predators. That’s an FNG in Free-For-All, that is.

2. A bad player is a liability for everyone

Just like the real world, a bad player won’t just get himself killed - he’ll sink the whole team. On an Unreal Tournament 3 server “teammates” are just people you don’t shoot at (much). But Team Deathmatch is based on score, not total kills, so every time you charge into enemy fire like Nooby McRambo (wondering why circle-strafing doesn’t seem to work) you’re helping the enemy win. In Search & Destroy a bad player means one team is effectively outnumbered, because instead of a trained SAS agent they’ve got a guy running into walls. THAT’S why everybody hates you.

If your kill ratio is less than 1:1 the team would honestly be better off without you. Start holding back, following your team-mates, and if at all possible try to stop catching bullets with your face.

3. Air beats infantry

Most war games have a very strong Rock-Paper-Scissors vibe with air, sea and land units – and in CoD4 there’s no Paper. Air will kick the hell out of infantry whenever and wherever it turns up because - in case you haven’t noticed - the long term handicaps of refueling, budgetary support and vulnerable airfields don’t actually turn up in your CoD4 “Press the Air strike button to convert the enemy to pink mist” first person experience.

The air support is a great incentive for something that shouldn’t really have to be taught - the point in combat is to not die. You need to stay alive a full seven kills to call in the helicopter (aka “The Righteous Wrath of an Angry Machine-Gunning god”) against the enemy. Do so.

4. You learn what kind of man (or woman) you are

If there’s one thing war movies have taught us, it’s that people find themselves on the battlefield. Boys become men, learning what it truly is to live and die (possibly while orchestral music swells in the background). In a less Hollywood interpretation, veterans seem to have a much better grasp of priorities - you don’t see people who used to be shot at for a living losing their temper over half-fat soy in their caramel macchiatos.

Likewise, in CoD4 your character grows and changes as you unlock weapons and perks. You’ll find the style that suits you best: the Schwarzzenegers can tear off with Juggernaut and Steady Aim, the Solid Snakes wreak havoc with silenced weapons and a UAV Jammer, and the filthy, cheap, no honor curs who know nothing of skill take Martyrdom, pansy wimps every one, because they know the only way they can help their team is to get killed.

5. Teammates are great bullet detectors

You depend on your teammates. They’re your cover, your backup, your friends - and it’s really great when they get shot instead of you. You’ve got to watch that radar and head to where you can best help the other green arrows. When one falls over after rounding a corner, you’re in a perfect position to avenge him with a grenade and some fast shooting - possibly while shouting “He was two days from retirement, NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Plus it increases your chances of getting that consolation +2 when the guy behind you takes out whoever puts you down. That isn’t just revenge, it’s good tactics - if you let your killer get away there’s a greater chance he’ll be able to call down airborne fury on your buddies. “CoD Blue Balls”, being killed JUST as you unlock air support but before calling it, is one of the best punishments you can inflict on your enemy.