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March 7th, 2011

Go Play GoldenEye Right Now

Posted in HL2 Deathmatch News
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GoldenEye: Source is the coolest combination of shooting technologies since a Terminator was upgraded with liquid metal. It’s cooler than a freeze ray and even more fun to play with. It combines the two of the greatest leaps forward in multiplayer combat history: the N64’s incredible GoldenEye and the unstoppably awesome Source engine. The game is a labor of more love than most marriages, and more hard work, blood, sweat and tears than an orgy in a meat packing plant. Five years of work result in GoldenEye 4.1, the official result and an exe of pure nostalgic joy for anyone who remembers running around the Facility.


The first spinny-shiny logo we haven’t hated for delaying the game, but loved for its sheer beauty

The first thing that hits you is the sound. It is glorious. It is divine. It’s everything this HL2 mod has become in sonic form: an incredible upgrade to a beloved subject which improves everything while somehow preserving every drop of soul. We didn’t even know soul was a liquid until this team poured it directly into our hearts through our ears. We cannot state this enough: if you enjoyed the N64 version, this game will make you a fundumentally and happier person. You will be kinder to strangers because they live in a world with such beautiful things in it.

A work of art within a work of art

While most improvements are opposed by hardcore fans (with Counter-strike players still complaining about source’s sloppiness), the only ones who could possible oppose GE:S are the Dark Elder Gods. Because the sheer level of joy generated by this mod will delay their rise for at least a thousand years. This immaculate improvement is helped by how the original N64 GoldenEye has aged worse than a hippo carcass and, to the modern gamer, is less playable than “hunt the dodo.” I tried it recently, and it was like discovering that your childhood puppy was still alive but also the Boston Strangler, only more painful to spend time with.

Nostaljoy #1: The blue combat armor is more essential to your survival than lungs

The mod is so good that even the Egyptian temple is now playable. You can walk outside and look at the pyramids!

Even the caves have more than one shade of brown!

Not MANY more shades, of course

But best of all is how true they’ve stayed to the the gameplay, flaws and all. It’s the exact reverse of meeting a high school sweetheart at a reunion: they’re looking far better and everything you loved and hated about them is exactly the same. They’ve resisted any urges to make it beginner-friendly. If there’s an AR33 or a rocket launcher on the map you either know where it is or die, repeatedly, while the infamous Golden Gun has an entire game mode built around it.

The Source Engine means you can enjoy both liquid AND gas effects as you die a second after spawning!

The one-hit-killer is up for grabs, and the literally terminally underequipped players without it need to gang up and take the wielder down. Better yet, this isn’t enforced by team dynamics or score, so there’s brutal betrayals as players jockey for the ultimate weapon.


Nostaljoy #2: Your happiness at seeing the Klobb is almost immediately countered by remembering the useless thing. An emotional rollercoaster!

They even have Oddjob, and to the eternal credit of modern gamers I haven’t seen a single person using him on any GoldenEye servers. The upgrades are everywhere and inspiring - the first time I shot Baron Samedi’s hat off I was so happy I barely noticed that it meant I’d missed his head, or that one second later he didn’t miss mine.

You might recognize this new level as abso-bloody-lutely perfect to the movie

The mod is constructed from pure love somehow poured into a computer, with more polish than most major releases and more love for history than a museum. It’s free, and the .exe even auto-installs itself into your Steam games list. You have less than no excuse not to play this - in fact, you’ll have to work very hard to convince us that anything else you planned today could be more important. Even if you’re a heart surgeon.

 
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